Once in my life I have many questions nobody could answer. It started when I was first year high school, where I received my first bible I love to read and since it’s a pocket bible I read it just like an ordinary pocketbook. Since then I question my faith and little by little I removed the traditions and rituals that we inherited from our ancestors. That’s the start of my cross.
My father taught me how to have my rosary since I was 5 years old, and every six o’clock in the afternoon I lead our family reciting the rosary and all my simple prayers came true. My father was so proud of me because at young age I already know how to recite the rosary and response to the elders every time there is communal prayer in remembrance of our dead ancestors.
I was fourth year high school then when I stop reciting the rosary. My father was so angry with me and he felt like I didn’t respect him anymore because I disobey him. He said that he inherited it from his grandmother who took care of him when his still young and now what a dismay he called me “ingrata”. Since then my father treat me coldly.
Year 2000 when my father curse me and it’s the start of my Calvary, it’s like every time there is trials and difficulties I said to myself it happened because my father curse me. For almost six months I was alive physically but spiritually dead. It happened just like a click of a seconds and our harmonious relationship became a mess.
Sept. 08, 2000 I had unforgettable dream. In front of our house there are bamboos and beneath the bamboo here comes the white dove flying and surrounding our house and as the dove flew with a glazing lights and little by little the white dove also has pale blue colors besides its feather. And as it flew it form the image of Mama Mary. Her majesty wear white and outside coat colors pale blue and as she float in the wind in front of me I said I have to ask her. But only looking at her it’s like she know what I’m thinking and waiting for me to speak up but I was mesmerized and can’t speak. She has the face of an angel but has the power to shut me. For almost 15 minutes in front of me she’s only gazing and likewise at her. People gather and pointing at her but she’s looking at me with her eyes like a fire. After that when people started to come out to see her she started to disappear. After that dream I still don’t believe I said it’s just a dream and it’s not real.
Time pass by so quickly and I join other religion till I got tired and for almost five years I have no God but myself I said all my success and failures lies within my hands.
The time I challenge God despite of being unworthy He pours his love to me nobody couldn’t explain. And because of that love saying how much He love us despite of all our sins, slowly I return in my faith not only for myself but also to proclaim to my fellow that God loves us so much. Today I return with a child’s heart. The fruit of God’s love is the service of His vineyard. Now the dream came to reality. I realized no matter unworthy we are be humble enough because God call us to be part of His Kingdom and share this love to everyone.
We are still alive proclaim that we are alive because of God's love and mercy we are here. Now what is our proper response?
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